My Connections to Play

Almost all creativity involves purposeful play.

Abraham Maslow
American psychologist
1908–1970

Play gives children a chance to practice what they are learning.

Fred Rogers
American television personality
1928–2003

                Before I went to kindergarten, I remember two areas within which I used to play. One was in the backyard on a jungle gym, and one was in a garage converted to a play room. I remember being in the playroom listening to the record of the Wizard of Oz music. I would sing and dance along to that. I remember being alone in the playroom and outside with two of my older brothers. We would generally play with children not with our parents, but we could go over the steps in the corner of our backyard and down the street from there to my mom’s mom’s house. At that house, we would often play cards with my grandparents. This card playing would have been adult supported play. At the time I was four, I was one of seven children, so my mom was very busy. I had an older sister, however, who was ten when I was four. She was very intelligent and is a doctor now, so she was practically like an adult when I was four. She was probably teaching me even when I was four. Everyone called me her twin. She taught me how to read when I was five and a half, so that I was a fluent reader by the time I got to first grade. She taught me piano, knitting, and crochet when I was seven. Learning to read music so young helped me read the music of the other instruments I taught myself to play when I was ten and eleven. She and my dad were both interested in learning Spanish, so by the time I was seven, I was checking out children’s books to teach Spanish from the library and was learning Berlitz Spanish from one of my dad’s record sets. My dad liked to teach like my sister, but he was away as a merchant marine a lot when I was that young, but he had taught many of my siblings to read. My oldest sister was emulating my dad by teaching me things.

                The difference in play today comes from the prevalence of electronic media and the fear parents have of what will happen to their children outside the house. As a child, I played because that was what kids did. There were no alternatives like TV and computer.  We were also free to roam as children. For example, as a nine year old, I was free to walk a mile and a half to the library, free to walk a mile to school, and free to walk a half a mile to the high school to use the pool in the summer and the tennis, handball, and basketball courts any other time of year. We lived in southern California. Today, I would be terrified to allow even my fourteen year old daughter walk that far unsupervised. We also played baseball and Frisbee in the street and football in the front yard. I never took gymnastics, but I remember going to the circus and then pretending circus with my brother. We got books about gymnastics and acrobatics out of the library and learned many tricks with these books. We also would check books out about tennis and other sports to try to improve our games. My hope is that somehow children can have a childhood with as much freedom as mine and that everyone would just slow down to allow some time for children to play.

                When I was very young and played outside and sang and dance to records, I was not trying to do anything. I was just playing. As I got older, I realized that the sports and gymnastic tricks, and musical instruments were something I wanted to improve at. At this point, the learning and feeling of accomplishment was more important than the play, but this desire to learn was an outgrowth of my original desire to play.

Relationship Reflection

My Kids Nine Years Ago

My Kids Two Years Ago

There are many studies that show the benefits of the father staying in the picture. For example, when the father goes to church, the children are more likely to go to church as adults. We are reaping those benefits right now. My husband and I are partners because we do different parts of the job. Ultimately, I don’t have to worry about a roof over our head or food or Catholic education because my husband has always found a way to support us even when he has lost his official job for a year at a time. My husband also does laundry and cooks often for our family. My job is to monitor the children and teach them the details. We are both models for our children. There is also a partnership between the older children and me. For example, my eighteen year old and fourteen year old have gone to help their sister with their nephew, and I may be sending my nine year old up to be taken care of by the mother of the nephew and the eighteen year old later this summer. 

        The pictures below show my friend, Eileen, relaxing at home and hiking with her husband in Utah, my friend, Mary, who has seven children, and my sister, Theresa, and I with my mom.

I don’t have close friends that live right near me, but I still talk to my two good friends from high school.  We are all very calm people. We don’t argue. We also share our Catholic culture. Mary lives in Michigan. Eileen lives in Utah. I live in Illinois. Last October, we shared our 50^th birthday together in Illinois. I hadn’t seen Mary for about ten years, and I hadn’t seen Eileen for eight years. We all grew up in California together.                                                     

That’s my mom and I with one of my 11 siblings. I’m on the left Theresa is on the right. My sister-in-law says my mom doesn’t have a judgmental bone in her body. I agree. My mom maintains relationships by liking people unconditionally. That picture was from my visit to California in honor of the fact that my mom is supposed to be dying soon. That was in May, 2013.       

All of the relationships I mentioned are important to me because I have people to talk to about things that trouble me, and I have people who appreciate who I am and appreciate that I listen to them.  One challenge to relationships is when one person does not seem to need the other person as much as that person needs them. Another challenge is being far away from friends. My mom and my friends are non-judgmental and calm. This has helped us maintain our relationships.

I also have a partnership with the teacher in our dual language classroom. We have divided up the jobs, and we each have something unique to teach the children. We are growing a friendship through our partnership. She is also a calm, Catholic, nonjudgmental person.

It is important as a professional to be nonjudgmental if I want parents and children to feel comfortable with me. Proximity also breeds closeness, so if the parents do spend time in the classroom and the children do attend school regularly it will help build relationships. Other regular forms of communication would also help build relationships. It would be important for me to focus on accepting people with different beliefs. It would also be important for me to think about what could be making my relationships with parents or children less than warm if I should feel this lack of warmth from the children or the parents or within myself.                                     

Mary                My Mom and Sister and Me